5 Signs Your Spouse Wants A Divorce (And How To Mend Your Marriage)
by Brad Browning, ‘The Marriage Guru’
Afraid your marriage is ‘on the rocks?’ Worried that your spouse is thinking about asking for a divorce? I’ll explain a few signs to look for that indicate your spouse is thinking about divorce, I’ll tell you how to stop it and the first steps to take to mend your marriage.
So, let’s dive into the first sign to look for…
Sign #1 – Arguing Over Anything & Everything.
Yes, it’s no secret that an increase in the frequency and intensity of arguments with your partner are a clear indication that all is not well with your marriage. Now, don’t panic here just because you and your spouse are fighting a few times a week. Every married couple will disagree and have conflicts from time to time. It’s actually a healthy thing to argue now and then. And according to research by Dr. John Gottman, more than two thirds of marital conflicts never get resolved.
Most of the time, couples who argue too often but have otherwise healthy marriages can repair this problem relatively easily. In simple terms, if you and your spouse fight too often over small issues, you can learn conflict management. You can reduce useless arguments and discuss important disagreements in a more civilized and constructive manner. But you also have to be willing to let go of the ‘small stuff’ – and most of the things that trigger arguments are minor issues. Couples are better able to do that when both members are constantly saying and doing nice things to and for each other.
Daily arguments that arise over almost anything and lead to condescension or contempt are when things get a bit more dicey. For example, it’s a problem if arriving 5 minutes late for a dinner date turns into a massive screaming match. It’s worse if that causes both of you to go to bed angry for the third time in a week. Your marriage is headed in the wrong direction when frequent arguments blow small grievances or disagreements way out of proportion.
Now, another and potentially more serious indication of an unhealthy marriage is apathy. Apathy occurs when one or both of you stops trying to resolve conflict at all. Which leads me to the next point….
Sign #2 – No Longer Willing To Resolve Conflict or Find Solutions.
It’s a clear sign of apathy if your partner seems to no longer care about the outcome of a fight. If they seem to feel as though trying to find a solution to your problems is pointless or hopeless, then that can be a clear indication of deeper troubles. When this kind of despair sets in, your partner may withdraw further. They may feel as though there will never be a way for the two of you to live together peacefully. That’s obviously not a good thing, and it’s something that you need to work on if this has become a problem in your marriage.
There are a few things you can do to counter your partner’s unwillingness to work toward solutions. One of these is to at least consider the solutions they suggest. Another is to take responsibility and apologize for your role in the fight.
Sign #3 – Lack of Emotional Connection and Withdrawal of Affection.
Another sign of apathy occurs if your spouse has become distant and stopped showing affection towards you. That can also be a strong indication that they’re mentally checking out of the marriage. Often associated with this is an overall lack of emotional connection and a lack of willingness to discuss or show feelings and emotions.
In my experience, apathy is one of the most obvious signs that a marriage is headed in the wrong direction. Usually, though, it’s more a symptom than a root problem. Resolving the core issues of your marriage can usually help re-build the emotional connection. Beginning to mend your marriage can lead your spouse to begin showing affection again.
If you’re seeing this symptom and some of the others on this list, it’s time to start taking action. You can stop things from getting worse and mend your marriage before it’s too late. Watch this video right now to learn about 3 techniques that will help you repair your relationship (even if your spouse isn’t interested at the moment).
Sign #4 – Rarely or never having sex.
Sex can be symptom of other problems in your marriage. If you’re always fighting and there’s no emotional connection, the sex is going to disappear as well.
But lack of sex can also be a problem of its own. Whether it’s caused by fading attraction or a low sex drive, lack of sex can lead to a marriage crisis. Either way, a sexless marriage is almost always a marriage on the fast track to divorce. If your spouse seems uninterested in sex or makes excuses, that’s a clear indication of problems.
An old Harold Arlen song urged listeners to ‘accentuate the positive, de-centuate the negative.’ The more positive things you notice about your partner, the stronger your emotional connection will be. If your partner still doesn’t want to have sex, you might try asking what they would like to do instead.
Sign #5 – Your spouse is absent more often or seems pre-occupied.
If your partner is staying out late more often, and showing less interest in family and spending time together, that may be an indication that they are either unhappy with the situation at home. It may also be that they’re preparing mentally for life apart, building a social life or possibly even dating. Hopefully that’s not the case, but it is a possibility. (Please don’t accuse your spouse of this prematurely just because they’re home less often.)
Simply put, if you’re spending less time with your spouse than you have in the past or if he/she seems distant and pre-occupied when you are spending time together, that can be a clear sign of a spouse mentally struggling with the decision to end a marriage.
Next Steps: Where to go from here…
First, let’s make one thing clear. It doesn’t mean that your partner is definitely planning to file for divorce if they’re exhibiting a couple of these behaviors. It may simply be that these are indicators of trouble ahead in your marriage. But if you’ve seen several of these indicators in your spouse recently, you’re probably feeling that things aren’t on track with your marriage. In that case, I encourage you to act to turn things around now before matters get any worse. If you’ve been thinking about counseling, read the seven tips to getting effective therapy.
But even if you decide to try counseling, the best place to start is by watching this free video. It explains where you’ve been going wrong and what you need to do to make your spouse fall back in love with you.
Click here to watch the video now, before it’s taken down.
Good luck!
