Relationship Vulnerability to Infidelity Quiz

One of my clients said about his relationship, “Our insecurities complement each other: my insecurities trigger her the way her insecurities trigger me.” He was talking about the history of past infidelities – by their respective, previous spouses – that was causing trouble between them, and not, ironically, regarding any illicit or unfaithful behavior perpetrated by either of them in their relationship with each other. 

According to pioneering family therapist Salvador Minuchin, “Every marriage is a mistake.’ I think that he meant that each marriage carries the weight of both unspoken expectations and our multi-generational history. Like the Chinese character for ‘crisis’, our differences in beliefs, values, culture and experience carry risks for disappointment and betrayal as well as opportunities for richness and growth. 

While happily married people in good relationships can and do have affairs, there are also many people who remain faithful in unhappy marriages due to individual, religious or cultural factors. Combined with other metrics (such as how well you and your partner ‘turn toward’ each other or are able to maintain a positive perspective about each other and your relationship, especially during negative emotional states), Shirley P. Glass’ Relationship Vulnerability Quiz can help uncover areas in your relationship you and your partner can address to build a stronger, healthier relationship.

While no simple test can predict with any certainty whether any one person will be unfaithful, Glass’ Social Vulnerability, Individual Vulnerability and Relationship Vulnerability (below) quizzes can (especially when taken together) provide a useful map of your risk of betraying your partner. As even a high vulnerability score does not mean that infidelity is inevitable, your score on this Relationship Vulnerability Quiz is not a definitive predictor of infidelity but an assessment of your relationship vulnerabilities and your adjustment to your partnership. Whether you believe that your relationship is in serious trouble or just a little bit off track, your responses to the statements below can help reveal relationship vulnerabilities that could, under the right set of circumstances, lead to an extramarital affair. 

1.We had problems trusting each other before we got married
2.Our marriage revolves around our children OR (for childless couples) we disagree on whether or not to have children.
3.My partner spends too much time away from home.
4.My partner rarely takes my side in anything.
5.We’ve grown apart.
6.I have felt alone and unsupported at times of loss or crises.
7.We don’t have equal input for important decisions.
8.We argue about the frequency of sex.
9.Our interactions feel more like a parent-child relationship than one between equals.
10.We are uncomfortable about exposing our inner selves to each other.
11.We sweep things under the rug, so we hardly ever fight.
12.There’s a disparity in how invested we are in the relationship.
13.I feel I can’t influence my partner to do what i request.
14.I don’t know if i really love my partner.
15.We don’t know how to repair after a conflict.
16.We don’t have much in common.